


Bruised Ego

by JustSmileStuffHappens (ksz13)



Series: Buddie / 9-1-1 Prompt Fills [28]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asphyxiation, Bruises, Choking, Derogatory Language, Domestic Violence, Doubt, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt/Comfort, Lies, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, Original Character(s), Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Self-Doubt, Slut Shaming, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:54:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22490377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksz13/pseuds/JustSmileStuffHappens
Summary: 'Suck it up.' repeats in his head.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Original Character(s)
Series: Buddie / 9-1-1 Prompt Fills [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582147
Comments: 2
Kudos: 153





	Bruised Ego

**Author's Note:**

> *domestic violence  
> *emotional manipulation  
> *unwanted verbal degradation
> 
> I'm wondering about putting non con on this fic. Buck consents to sex with his partner throughout but they fail to listen to him telling them not to leave marks or continuing a little after he says to stop even to the point that while they're choking him during sex he feels genuinely unsafe and panics pushing them off screaming no stop so I'm gonna put it because while he originally did at the beginning of their sexual acts the OC i made repeatedly goes past boundaries and limits which upsets Buck even if he still gets off because it definitely doesn't go down how buck wants or agrees to either  
> Also not sure if it'd be considered graphic violence or not with how little i described that part
> 
> Anonymous -Idk if you take prompts or simple ideas ; Set after Buck and the 188 are in a good relationship. Eddie's words I the market (to stuck it up) still in Buck's mind and he follows it. He is in a toxic manipulative and abusive relationship with a man (it's not physically, but mentally) and he absolutely refuses to tell anyone (or even to acknowledge it) but Eddie and the team finds out and want to help him but it will be hard and long? Thanks! (If you don't want this, it's okay~) thank you!

**_Bruised Ego_ **

Hen was looking at Buck weird, well weirder than usual. "Something on your mind Buck?" She had her super kind but still genuine tone that was used more with patients they got.

"What?" Buck said around a brownie that was store bought and packaged. It was mandatory now after what happened before and the public was fully behind it to protect their first responders. Even if it was a little more pricey in comparison, it was worth it.

"You've been awfully quiet recently which is unlike you buckaroo" hen raised an eyebrow. She'd noticed it on the second day in a row when they hadn't had to hear about interesting facts from their youngest member. 

"Buck are those bruises on your neck buddy?" Chimney asked while moving to open Buck's collar more from his side opposite side from Hen.

Buck acted on reflex batting his hand away.

"Woah! Sorry man. Do they hurt? How'd you get them kid?" Chimney asked while Buck swallowed and eyed the stairs.

"It's fine. Things got a little rough 's all." Buck shrugged as he decided to go hit the gym before lunch.

"Rough with what we were off yesterday." Chimney said.

"Not what but maybe who." Hen wondered. It shouldn't be anything to be ashamed about they knew he was a sexual person and he was just looking for more of a connection now.

"Hey Eddie. Is Buck seeing someone?" Hen asked as he came over with a spare water but no Buck to give it to.

"Huh? Not that I know of. But he hasn't been over to see us as much. Maybe he is?" Eddie thought harder. Sure Buck wasn't over as often but that could be for any number of reasons. He figured he was busy and Christopher still got to see him so it was all good.

"Why?" Eddie asked.

"Because Chim just saw bruises on his neck. Either they're from a fight or something more intimate." Hen emphasized the word.

Before he knew what he was doing Eddie was on autopilot as he zeroed in on where Buck could be. He found him past the lockers at the gym.

"Hey Buck. Gotcha water." Eddie came over paying attention to Buck's neck hidden in his hoodie as he took it from his hand.

"Thanks. No pain no gain, right? ." Buck set it down and started lifting.

They looked brutal in the flash of a second Eddie got a look. But even the slightest bump could leave a bad bruise with the blood thinners.

Just as Eddie thought to change and hit the bag keeping Buck company the alarm went off making them rush to change and get in the truck.

* * *

"I'm telling you Maddie they looked horrible. I don't get how he's talking still. Maybe that's why he's been a little quiet these last two days." Chimney had called towards the end of their shift after finding out once he got a chance.

"Well he hasn't told me if he's with someone. I'll ask him but I just hope he'll tell me the truth. We've kept some things from each other before," Maddie sighed on the line.

"Eddie didn't know either." Chim said.

"But they're-"

"Not completely back to how they were yet i guess. They're good but, well." Chimney said.

"Keep an eye on him please. It has to hurt. But it could look worse than it is, can't it? I don't wanna jump the gun but yeah I'm worried. We can just be here for him if or when he talks. God I already hate this,"

"We thought it could be the blood thinners making it look worse yeah, but it's better safe than sorry. You know we'll be watching him like hawks. You know that Maddie," Chimney tried comforting her.

"Hey Chim! Dinner's ready man ." Buck's voice cracked causing him to cough as chimney looked up at him.

"Bye Maddie. Buck don't strain yourself." Chimney came over and thanked him before they joined the others.

They were all on high alert now they just had to wait even if everyone of them hated it. Either Buck would say it himself or they'd keep asking. It left them unsettled for the rest of their days.

* * *

Buck came over to Drew's place after work. 

No one knew he was seeing him but now they were starting to get suspicious after seeing his neck which was just great.

If he'd just said no to the whole choking thing then they'd still be in the dark.

Drew was funny and hot but also knew what he wanted. Which at first and still was a turn on for Buck. That's what had drawn Buck in.

"Hey baby." Drew kissed him as Buck sat beside him on the couch.

"Hi Dee. About the other day. I'm sorry I told you to sto-"

"I forgive you. It's just so hard to stop when things are getting heated so fast ya know. I thought you could take it Buck"

Drew pulled Buck closer holding his hand.

"No. Umm. We can still do it but, you'd just need to be gentler though. I'm still sore. And I bruise really easy right now" Buck said while Drew touched his bruises.

Buck had to resist pulling back or swallowing when being reminded of the other night.

"You're such a giver. I don't deserve you Buck." He smiled as he kissed Buck's neck sending a shiver down his spine. They'd gotten their shirts off and pants undone when Drew decided on holding Buck's wrists down while they had sex that night on the couch.

It didn't freak Buck out as much as the choking did. He was enjoying it this time. He'd had women scratch, bite, and even lightly slap him before during sex and making out but Drew was barely the third guy Buck had been with and the first in an actual relationship capacity. Buck just figured it came with the territory and other guys into men did the same too probably but he really couldn't see himself doing that to a partner though he wouldn't want to either.

They got back into making out again before Drew flipped Buck over and shoved back in a little harder than usual even with him teasing Buck open for what he felt like was a solid half hour it still hurt. Buck bit the closest thing he could grab as Dee continued to thrust. It felt a little good but Drew was grabbing Buck's hips hard and he'd be hating the bruises in the morning. "That's it. Take it you slut! Bet you'd love having any dick. Probably think about them other firefighters fucking you huh?" Drew seethed out. 

At those words Buck can't scramble away fast enough.

"Stop." Buck turned around.

"What?" Drew had such a confused innocent expression. 

"I don't like that. Don't say that Dee. It's- don't talk about me like that," Buck put up his hands.

"Babe. Babe look at me. Hey. I didn't mean it. You know i didn't. right? I was just trying to say what would get us both going you know something hot."

"Well that's not hot Drew, I'm don't feel comfortable with you saying that so don't do it again and you were so into it you were getting a little too rough again." Buck looked him in the eye. He didn't want to complain because the sex was good even if a little rough but what he said really bothered him and it hurt that maybe on some level Drew really thought that about Buck. Buck wasn't looking for being with just anyone or only having sex. 

"I'm sorry babe. Let's go lay down. You had a long day at work."

Buck let himself be led to the bedroom.

Maybe he was overreacting. Drew was right in Buck being tired and the others questions even if they were just curious were on his mind still so he was on edge.

Buck fell asleep to being spooned. It was the best part of being in a relationship aside from having someone to talk to and the sex. The comfort and simple intimacy of sharing a bed felt so good. The warm arms around him were soon gone though leaving him cold in the morning with an IOU note that had sorry for last night written on it nearby.

Buck didn't want to feel like he was used but that's what last night kinda felt like though.

They'd had sex then as soon as Buck was out Dee ditched him for an early gym workout before going to work. He'd hoped they'd spend his day off together a little at least. 

* * *

Buck came over to Maddie's for breakfast like she'd asked him. It felt good to see her since it'd been a few days.

He made sure to put on a polo shirt so she didn't see the fading bruises much on his neck and shoulders. His watch and some old rubber charity bands were working in covering his wrists for now.

"Hey Mads." He kissed her cheek on the way in at the smell of pancakes and bacon his mood brightened.

They were both finished with their second plates with the kitchen clean when Mads asked him something as they moved to the couch.

"So are you seeing anyone? I wanted to try setting you up on a date with one of my coworkers." She smirked.

Buck paused. He thought Maddie maybe knew on some level he was bisexual even if he'd never said it to her. But answering truthfully could just lead to more questions though.

"I don't think I'd like that." Buck compromised. He wasn't looking for someone because he was already with someone. He also didn't like the idea of not knowing the person he was set up with by her.

"Oh, okay. They're really nice though. But if you don't want to" She explained. Buck felt like now he had to tell her. It was Maddie anyways, his sister.

"I'm kinda seeing someone." Buck mumbled.

"You are? That's good. I'd love to meet 'em." Maddie smiled.

"That'd be kinda hard. He stays busy a lot."

"He? You're dating guys again." Maddie tilted her head smile still there.

That caught Buck off guard.

"But you've never seen me with a guy before. What do you mean again?" Buck quirked his eyebrow. 

"Billy from high school."

"We didn't date." Buck clarified.

"But you two went to fancy restaurants together just the two of you." Maddie explained.

"I- well yeah we did. Umm. I mean yeah i might've talked a lot about him, he was cool though." 

"You said he had nice eyes."

"Well he did. Wait. Was I always sorta into dudes too and I just didn't realize it back then?" Buck felt like his brain was side swiped by a bus from thinking so fast. "I sorta, experimented after high school and umm kinda during the academy. But I thought the interest was new then. I definitely like more than just women" Buck lifted his palms.

"Buck. It's your sexuality, not everything is the same from person to person. So, what's he do? How'd you two meet?" Maddie slid right back into asking about Drew.

"Umm. He's smart, into properties, owns a few. Drew was the victim of an arsonist or well one of his places was but no one was living there to get hurt. I like him-" buck couldn't get the 'But' out though so he stopped.

"Well if you're seeing him I'd wanna meet him. You don't have to hide him you know. I know the others won't view you differently Buck." Maddie put a comforting hand on his face.

That was when it all went wrong.

"They were right." She whispered.

"Huh?"

"Did he do that to you?" She pointed. "Your neck buck." Buck would never pull away from or push Maddie away so he hadn't reacted like with Chimney.

"Uh. Yeah but he's just into that kind of stuff. It's not that bad. You know my medication can make things harder for me sometimes. It looks worse than it feels and it's going away now" Buck knew the excuse was only partially right.

"And you're okay with it? He wasn't pressing you, right?"

"No, not really. I mean I let him, it's like a compromise. We try to do stuff he wants to do. I just gotta tell him when I don't like it." Buck was quick with the last part.

"You know you don't have to try anything you don't want to though right?" Maddie looked into his eyes trying to see Buck taking in her words.

"I- yeah. Of course I do Mads."

Buck refused to talk anymore switching on the tv. He was second guessing if maybe she was right. Shouldn't Drew compromise with Buck too a little, they're both in this relationship together right?

* * *

Buck turned the key to Drew's place and brought in their takeout. It was getting late with the sun already starting to set. He felt arms wrap around his waist as he set them on the table.

"Buck." Drew whispered in his ear before he lightly bit it.

" Don't start. The foods gonna get cold."

"Let it. I want you now." At the hand palming his dick Buck turned around.

Their quick kisses traveled to the bedsheets.

With almost all their clothes thrown about Drew reached over to his bedside table and brought back the blindfold he used when he'd have trouble sleeping.

"You're gonna wear it while I fuck you." Drew tossed it over while preparing to unwrap a condom.

"No."

"If you love me you'll try it."

That wasn't right. It was a cheap shot. Buck thought maybe he could love Drew but right now he didn't.

"I don't want to. You should respect that. We can have sex without it." Buck offered.

It was then that Buck realized he didn't trust Drew. Sure Buck was attracted to him but he felt fear at the thought of Drew having that much power over him after what he'd done before.

"I swear. It's like you wanna make up stuff for us to fight about. Why are you so selfish. Do you want me to leave you?"

That stuck a cord. He's been called selfish and thought something was wrong with him to push people away.

"I don't think I want you to meet my sister. Maybe we don't have a future together." Buck saw the hand coming but it was like he was frozen until the slap landed.

Then it was like a dam broke as Drew pulled Buck up and pushed him towards the door. "What, you think you're too good for me? Is that it? I give you my time, I invite you into my house, but it's not enough!"

It was like he wasn't moving fast enough for him as Buck felt him hitting his back. Buck shoved him back before grabbing his keys and wallet by the door and running for his Jeep still in only his boxers. He was thankful for the partial darkness out as he hurried to get inside it and drive away from Drew's place.

The phone he'd left in his Jeep rang with Drew's ringtone repeatedly as Buck drove home. Buck was glad he'd kept his work bag to throw on something before heading inside so no one would see him half naked assuming it was a walk of shame only to be half right.

Why had he told Drew that? Sure it might have been a little true but was Buck subconsciously trying to start an argumen, to make things worse.

He locked his door and threw himself on his bed even with his stomach growling. Buck wasn't hungry anymore and he'd make sure to eat in the morning before work.

* * *

Buck didn't look forward to his shift for the first time in forever.

His side and back were killing him from yesterday. The voicemails were in his head from him hearing them this morning which was a dumb mistake. Drew wanted Buck back and said they could both forgive each other but Buck hadn't called back, he couldn't.

Buck was already changed and ready when he got in so he could avoid the others seeing anything.

Why couldn't Buck make relationships last? Was something wrong with him? He tried being a good partner but nothing he did seemed to be enough, after a while they'd leave or lose interest. This felt worse though, it was like Drew was suddenly hating everything Buck did. Ali had disagreed with him continuing to his job but it wasn't like that. This felt even worse than when Abby left. Buck was brought out of his thoughts by Eddie.

"You okay buck? You've been sitting there a solid like four minutes and you didn't say hi or even wave. Everything alright?" He couldn't tell Eddie.

"Yeah. I'm good." Buck got up too fast and clutched his ribs.

"What happened?" Eddie was on him like he was bleeding. 

"I pulled a muscle working out. Got distracted checking out people at the gym." Buck lied.

"Let me-" Eddie moved to try lifting Buck's shirt for a look but Buck withheld a grunt. He'd refuse the help and decided to soldiered on to the door.

"I'll ice it while we're waiting. Get changed before Bobby asks why you're not in uniform yet Ed." He used Eddie's other nickname to throw him off so sue him. Buck figured Eddie would be the last person who'd want to hear about it all.

Eddie was about to say something but another crew member stepped in effectively ending their conversation as Buck scurried away.

While upstairs he saw an icepack resting hidden behind Buck on the couch.

Eddie would put even more effort into watching out for his friend today. They watched a rerun of a t.v. show while eating some breakfast before they got their first call of their early shift. It went easy enough with them opening a car door by force using that tools. Eddie noticed Buck's wince as they got it open but it was gone as they got the teenager out to be looked at.

They barely got back for a round of pinball Buck actually refused to have a turn at surprising Eddie when they got their next call quickly after. Some dumbass had the bright idea of breaking glass with a bat for a fun YouTube video.

"Buck I want Eddie being the main one working this. We can't risk you getting cut." Bobby said.

"Uh. Yes sir. I know Cap. I'm just working backup, I'll be careful." Hen and Chimney were on standby as Buck and Eddie cut the windowpane the guy was currently impaled on. They got him out and laid down so Hen and Chimney got to work checking what needed to be done to stabilize him before transport. Buck felt as another part of the windowpane fell off onto both him and Eddie.

Eddie was suddenly attached to Buck's side as he hissed not from glass but Eddie's touch startling him. "It cut you?"

"No." Buck's hand came back clean as he and Eddie noticed it'd only managed to thankful cut his shirt slightly.

They packed it in and got back to the station for the end of their shift.

As soon as they got there and things were put away Buck had no choice but to change. That was when he absent mindedly forgot about his side after a rough night with hardly any sleep. He felt too comfortable at his second home to notice or remember.

"Buck, who hit you?" Bobby asked as he came into the locker room followed by Eddie.

"What do you-? shit." All other words left Buck as they came closer. Upon their advance he threw his arms out. "No. I can exp- it's not."

"It's okay buck. We just want to make sure you're not hurt." Bobby said with his hands up as Eddie quickly followed his lead. "Let us take a look. It could be a bruise or fracture." Eddie said.

"That's rich coming from you. I'm fine, I'll live." Buck scoffed.

"I probably deserve that- but it was different- and I got help. You might need some too if these bruises are a sign of anything." Eddie shot back.

"Buck where did they come from? Who did that kid?" Bobby asked concern heavy in his voice.

"No one. I don't need anything. I'm fine, see." Buck then pulled on his shirt too quickly and clenched his fists.

"Buck please. Let us take a look at it. You didn't answer the question son." Bobby pleaded.

"I don't have to tell you anything."

" You're right and you're wrong. I can't force you to tell me but I can bench you until it's healed properly. We won't risk your health and by doing so someone else's. You can trust us son, we're on your side." Bobby said.

"Fine. Look at 'em." Buck surrendered.

"Thank you. That's a start." Bobby said as Eddie came closer.

Eddie confirmed that at least one or two of Bucks ribs were fractured.

"Now do you feel like telling us who did this to you and why?" Bobby asked before Chimney and Hen returned to join them in the locker room.

"Why what?" Chimney asked.

"Buck did get cut?" Hen asked seeing the wrapping Eddie had done.

"No." Eddie told them as the frown on his face because a scowl.

"He had fist shaped bruising on him. I've already got pictures of it. But he's refusing to tell us who did it." Bobby explained as Buck fidgetted.

"Was it that Drew guy you told Maddie about?" Chimney asked. 

"What Drew guy? That name sounds familiar," Hen asked.

"He's a, uh, special friend of Buck's. And it should be we saved his place,"

"She told you?!" Buck's shouted. That was barely yesterday.

"I'm her boyfriend and your my friend Buck, we both care about you. So yeah we talked about your rather rough activities as much as I might not want to think about you in that context bud." Chimney said feeling bad. As much as he didn't want to out Buck things were complicated.

"The rough partner was a guy? Someone we met before too. Oh, Buck. You were hiding him," Hen took a step closer. 

"Those bruises couldn't be consensual Buck. You said before how you don't like getting slapped by chicks you've dated during sex. That'd take a lot of force blood thinners or not to fracture ribs," Eddie said drawing all eyes to him.

"I don't, I just. It's different with a guy. You wouldn't know. Shit, I barely know. This is all still new to me. I'm just- sucking it up." Everyone was dead silent at that. 

"Buck" Hen looked angry with tears in her eyes.

"No. I'm sorry Buck I was wrong, so wrong. That's." Eddie said. "The only time to suck it up is if you can't change the situation like you have to do something or complaining won't change it Buck. But even then it didn't help me- it hurt me. If he did this then he's no good for you. It'd be the same if it was a woman."

"That's not how relationships work. Sure there can be give and take but this isn't a part of that. This- it's an assault while you were turned away or leaving. Buck please, tell us." Hen finally put an arm around him.

It was like Buck's eyes were suddenly too full.

"I- I just- he wanted to blindfold me. It seems so simple just let him but I don't trust him. Then i said Maddie shouldn't meet him. It was like that was the last straw for both of us." Buck got out.

"Buck he had no right to do that. No matter what you said." Bobby told him as they slowly got closer to sit beside, stand next to and kneel with him and Hen.

"That goes for the being rough part too Buck. If you didn't want it then you didn't have to do it for him," Chimney said.

"It was fine, I didn't like it but I was okay with some of it until I panicked. He just, he seemed so into choking me, it was scary. I thought he might do it for real for a second ya know, "

"If you were hesitant he should have respected your boundaries and not done it." Hen said rubbing his back.

"I think he was jealous of me being here too. My relationship with you guys. He said I probably slept with people here or wanted to and I told him to stop even if it was shitty dirty talk. Sure some of y'all are attractive but I wouldn't just sleep with anyone that's the old- i wouldn't do that anymore."

Chimney cleared his throat before he said. "You can't see him anymore Buck it's not good for you. Please,"

"He should press charges too. You have every right to Buck. If he did this to you then he might have done it before or could do it again." Eddie said putting a hand on Buck's shoulder.

"Whatever you choose we're behind you Buck. We only want what's best for you. You're important to us and no one, especially you, deserves that." Bobby put every bit of conviction into his words.

Buck sniffled.

"Thank you."

"It's just what you do for family Buck. I know you'd do the same for us." Hen said with a soft smile.

"We gotta look out for our sorta lil bro even if he can be annoying sometimes." Chimney said earning a laugh. 

"Buck look. Is a part of why you didn't tell us really because it was a guy? I've gotta ask" hen said.

"A little yeah. I didn't know how y'all would feel or react, like i know we aren't homophobic here, i know that, but it's just I barely was coming to terms with it being a relationship between me and another man. And now it's just another one that didn't work out and ended up a disaster." Buck said his voice growing quieter.

"This one wasn't on you. The guy barely sounds like he deserves to be called human let alone spend any time with you. We don't think any less of you." Eddie said nodding as Buck met his eyes. 

"I see that now. But I just wasn't sure. I was stupid." Buck said.

"You're a lot of things Buck but stupid ain't one of them." Bobby said as he came to hug Buck. It was like a chain reaction as the others joined in succession. But buck didn't feel closed in or suffocated. He felt loved and protected by his family here at the firehouse. 

* * *

Buck pressed charges against Drew. It was hard to deny or explain away the bruises, security footage, and Buck's version of the events even with the knowledge of his blood thinners. 

The others still had too assure Buck once in a while that he wasn't a bother if he vented to them. Talking to them or a therapist was fine, normal, and would always be something he could rely on. Eddie cursed the old notion every time he was reminded of it because of what it'd cost him and the people he loved now. 

Buck was now on the market for all takers which saddened Josh as he'd just gotten into a relationship. 

It would take everyone by surprise a little while later that Eddie shared he was bisexual but never got around to telling anyone until he finally asked out Buck. 

**Author's Note:**

> *does having buck and Eddie get together later on after my story is over count? I'm not adding the buddie buck/Eddie tag
> 
> *i Don't know how this turned out but i couldn't keep working on it so here. Also sorry but i tried putting every warning i could think of for the subject matter and things that could be triggering but I'm not perfect 
> 
> https://justsmilestuffhappens.tumblr.com/post/190565470013/idk-if-you-take-prompts-or-simple-ideas-set


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